yet another monsoon. so much has happened since the last post. i wish i could really write out every thought in my heart. not to be read by others but to have more clarity to my thoughts. yeah blood is thicker than water. but when one chooses water over blood it is different. it is in a way upsetting when someone chooses to ignore the deeper needs of someone in the family, just because it is not to their taste. it is unkind, insensitive. a feeling of being right always gives out bad vibes. instead of love and care it gives out hurt deep hurt. sometimes it seems like the hurt makes the one who hurts, enjoy it. kind of get the feeling of one having the overt feeling of i am right, what i do is right. this irritates me in a way. but i need to draw a line which doesn't touch any of the subjects. the more interesting one is the one watching silently and making small observations only shared with me:) let it go let it go let it go. .....

the rains are here again, sometimes it is nice, when you don't have to go out mostly. other times it is annoying when you have to get somewhere in a hurry. :)
but the effect the water has on the earth and everything around is just amazing.
so refreshing and life giving.
sometimes i feel challenged to think will i ever be like that to those around me.

what hinders me is myself i guess. the laziness, the lethargy, you can call it by different names it doesn't make any difference.
one of my favourite quotes being, if wishes were horses, beggar's would ride.
think i have kind of lost the will to even wish.
wishes were never my thing, because even when i did wish for things i would always think a thousand times, how it would effect so and so, or someone else or somethingelse and so an so forth.
so wishes are kind of a big dream for me, and so i don't even have the chance to ride it as a beggar. hehehe.

am so good at doing so many things at once. but yet i fail to do just simple things like read and write. need to get back to these things. when will i do all these things? billion dollar question i guess.
well gotta get going with something or the other or i will just sit around doing nothing other than the absolute essentials.
i need to change this...... well where do i begin...... lets start at the very beginning .. which means i gotta get going now and do things that i need to finish off before i get out to go to office. :)

another day

The monsoon has yet again reminded us that it has not gone away. heavy thunder showers last evening. about four pm it was dark as though it was already around seven pm. and then it began to pour like mad. it was crazy. but it was wonderful too.
a welcome respite from the heat.my son was feeling nostalgic about the old house we lived in where he could watch the rain directly and not through the glass panes.
yeah there are so many things that we miss out in life. but we have to go on.
some things are a puzzle to me. i wish i could disentangle them, but i can't.
and that remains a fact.
oh by the way, a huge storm has just weathered. i am happy this storm clouds are away. now time for action.

van gogh

from monsoon to vincent van gogh, wow, what a jump. yes, vincent van gogh is someone who has always fascinated me . i don't like the look of salvador dali, nor his work hold much fascination for me. but van gogh is so real and totally fantastic to me.
art is an expression of what is inside you, well van gogh to me expresses simplicity and a love for colours and hues that are not so easily jumped at. they are bright they are full of life. yeah like his biography, the lust for life is expressed so boldly in his pictures.
i am no artist. i have no art education to be an art critic. but i can love a picture that is beautiful and a man who has brought it out.
his searches and love for life is something that has always fascinated me.
okay that is one out burst. let us see what comes next.

the morning after.

last night it was pouring, as they say cats and dogs. but this morning things seem all fresh and clean.
the most important feature of the monsoon is that it brings new life to everything around. i watch the little plants around my house when the sun is scorching the earth, even watering them is of practically no use, by the evening they are so drawn and withering. of course, the night does give a respite. but nothing compares to the first down pours. it is so beautiful the next morning. everything around is so clean and washed and fresh.
yeah , yeah, i know i sound like a little drum that goes on beating the same tune over and over. but yes this is so fresh and wonderful that it has been etched in my memory and every time the monsoons are here that gets a fresh coat of paint.
oh i remember,when we were kids, during the monsoons, we used to go looking for the mushrooms that can be cooked. they spring up one morning and by evening they are gone. so early morning, as soon as the rains take a breather, the kids go around the property spotting mushrooms. the big ones like an umbrella stand majestically. sometimes, you find hundreds of them. at first some one older will come along to see that we get the right ones and not the magic mushrooms:)
but the ones i really have never been stopped being fascinated are the tiny ones which we used to call "arikoon" which when translated literally means rice mushrooms, the reference is to their size. they are so tiny and they always grew by the hundreds. a whole patch will be like carpeted with these tiny mushrooms. you always have to pinch them out one by one or they get destroyed or damaged. it just never seizes to fascinate me, that feeling.

monsoon magic

monsoon magic!!!!! a much used phrase.....how many times it is used, it doesn't really matter, the magic of the monsoon rains don't fade away.
half a century is around the corner, when counting how long i have seen these rains, but the magic never wares off.
lovely cool days, if you don't have to go out on errands, it is just too cosy to cuddle up and sleep.
unfortunately, that is not the case, rain or no rain, life has to go on as per schedule, no matter who made it.
if wishes were horses i would just walk in the rain as it just trickles in as a drizzle and slowly growing into lashing rain.

oooh, the piercing needles of rain hitting the face as one rides along on a two wheeler, it presents a magic thrill though it hurts terribly as well.
the day is real bright and exquisite when the sun comes out from behind the clouds. reminds me much of the days of old when the dragon flies came out in large groups, fluttering joyfully at onam time. where these beauties of nature have disappeared , i know not.
i miss them much though.